Through working in reception for the past year and just generally being alive for the past 18, I have come across my fair share of rude adults. Now I'm not talking about the average disrespectful 21 year old, I mean the 50 year old self-righteous male and the ignorant selfish middle aged housewife, the adult that seems to get their rocks off by vilifying and generally humiliating someone who is either trying to do their job, or is attempting to disseminate a situation in which they actually have no control over.
I'm not saying that all adults are rude, disrespectful assholes, I know plenty of people who do the right things, but it's those select few who manage to fuck up so badly that they've just pretty much ruined it for everyone.
It may not seem like it, but at work and amongst adults I'm not familiar with I am generally mild mannered and quiet, but in the past two weeks I've experienced pathetic excuses for human beings who have managed to put my personal safety in danger and make me lose faith in all mankind.
Example 1: middle aged road rage
As I was driving home one afternoon I approached a large four way roundabout, I recently got my green p's and I am quite paranoid about losing my license so as I did not have right of way I chose to wait till it was safe to enter said roundabout. After twenty seconds of waiting and it still not being safe, a large 4WD behind me begins to honk loudly, with the driver screaming from his open window 'HURRY THE FUCK UP'. I held my ground and continued to wait until the traffic had subsided, during this time 'angry man in 4WD' proceeded to reverse his car into the lane next to me, to speed into the roundabout, but not before giving me the finger as he went.
This was all in vain as I caught up to him as he was stuck at a set of traffic lights straight after the roundabout, rendering his little bitch fit pointless.
so neh neh neh.
Example 2: 'blind' texting
On Friday afternoon I caught the train home from Central station, as i sat down a visually impaired middle aged woman proceeded to walk onto the train using a 'white cane'. Naturally the man next to me proceeded to get up and offer the woman his seat, which she gladly took. However ten minutes later, this woman that was supposedly 'visually impaired' began to read a book which was not in braille, and text on her mobile phone obviously proving that she was about as blind as I am Barry White.
Makes me sick.
How dare you complain about 'the disrespectful, irresponsible natures of today's youth' or whatever shit it is that you spout whilst you're slaughtering kittens, pretending to be blind or something equally as heinous, don't you realize that one day whilst you're rotting away in state nursing homes or whining about your 'pensions' the people responsible for your welfare, the ones who will wipe your senile behinds and feed you indistinguishable mush are the exact same people you screamed profanities at through a car window twenty years ago?
Karma is a bitch.
C.MEOW
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Maroubra On Lookout for Escaped Prisoner; Locals Fail to Notice Problem
Today the AAP reported that a dangerous convict has escaped from Sydney's Long Bay Gaol and describes his appearance thus:
"...distinctive tattoos, including AC/DC across the fingers of his right hand, an illustration of thorns around his right wrist, a picture of the grim reaper on his right shoulder, a large parrot on his left upper arm, and LOVE across the fingers of his left hand."
Those who own property there may beg to differ, but Maroubra isn't exactly the genteel well-heeled leafy suburb this kind of character would stand out in. Maybe he'll quietly crawl into a bikie clubhouse somewhere and live off sawdust and Toohey's New until crosses state lines. He may get away with it. It's been a quiet year.
"...distinctive tattoos, including AC/DC across the fingers of his right hand, an illustration of thorns around his right wrist, a picture of the grim reaper on his right shoulder, a large parrot on his left upper arm, and LOVE across the fingers of his left hand."
Those who own property there may beg to differ, but Maroubra isn't exactly the genteel well-heeled leafy suburb this kind of character would stand out in. Maybe he'll quietly crawl into a bikie clubhouse somewhere and live off sawdust and Toohey's New until crosses state lines. He may get away with it. It's been a quiet year.
Sydney Displays Rare Moment of Social and Political Awareness - Rally to Support Wikileaks
FRIDAY 10 DECEMBER: A thick blanket of soggy heat draped over the Emerald city, rendering everything shades of yellow-grey, much like the sandstone architecture that peppers the CBD itself. Assembled are about one thousand representatives of all walks of life in Australia, to show their support for the whistleblower website Wikileaks, and its mercurial Aussie founder, Julian Assange.
In the week leading up to this demonstration, I made jokes to my family about G20-style protests for a cheap laugh. The reality was somewhat more mundane. Instead of tear gas and smashed windows, there is enough body odour to bring tears to my eyes, and men on the wrong side of 35 sporting haircuts that looked like they were done in the dark with one's hands tied behind one's back.
The story of Wikileaks is so endlessly enthralling, disturbing and entertaining all at once, it's quite like watching some political performance art play out in real time.
Anyone who has spends enough time online in Australia has probably heard of Wikileaks by now. Here is the short version: Aussie ex-hacker turned activist starts website that publishes leaked documents from government, military and corporate sectors. The goal is to instigate reform of corrupt institutions. Aussie flies around the world several times over, scoring several significant scoops and kudos along the way. Aussie receives American military classified material. Aussie starts publishing LOTS and LOTS of said documents. Aussie sleeps with two women in Sweden on two separate occasions. The two women eventually accuse him of sexual misconduct, going to the police. He is not formally charged. Four months and many disclosures later, the Wikileaks website is under denial of service attacks; major financial institutions sever ties with them, and the Americans are howling for Assange's blood. Literally. In December, wanted in Sweden for questioning over the alleged sexual misconduct, Assange voluntarily turns himself in to British police following European arrest warrant procedure. He is arrested and placed in solitary confinement in London's Wandsworth prison, held in the same cell as the one Oscar Wilde had once occupied. Finally granted bail, a wealthy supporter provides surety to allow Assange to remain under house arrest in a stately home in rural England, where he now fights his extradition to Sweden, fearing that once there, the United States government will apply for extradition to the Land of the Free in retaliation for all those naughty disclosures.
That was the short version. *cough*
At the time of today's protest, Assange was in what he described as 'Victorian' conditions in Wandsworth, and the Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard had wasted no time in declaring his actions illegal - not the sexy-time stuff, the mass leaking of classified government data stuff.
So here I found myself, amongst a throng of angry but well behaved fellow city folk who had gathered to decry this political hypocrisy. For once, Sydney played the role of the intelligent, politically-engaged city to Melbourne's temporarily showy celebrity-obsessed shallowness (thanks to Oprah). It's usually the other way around.
Here's my photo gallery of the protest on Flickr.
Monday, December 6, 2010
oprah: the sith lord
I am so sick of Oprah
Urban Dictionary adequately defines my feelings for the media magnate:
'Shapeshifter. The only known person in history who can change into any form he/she so desires. This is obviously how she obtains her wealth of information, public opinions and money. She transforms herself into another person to gather what she needs for her overated, over appreciated, decieving day time television show. She feeds on the ignorance of the millions of viewers that worship her.She has supposedly been around since the beginning of time itself, she has asumed many forms and has corrupted many a country. One infamous person you may have heard of, Hitler, was not the man you think he was, he was, as you may have guessed, Oprah, in disguise. She is believed to have been present at the Last Supper. Though she tends to change shapes often, her most famous, and most used form is the overweight, overpaid, deceptive black woman you see on television. She is to be avoided at all costs. She can be anywhere at any time in any shape. You have been warned.'
The way I see it, everyone loves Oprah for all the free shit she gives out every year in her christmas themed 'Oprah's Favourite Things' show. Which essentially achieves nothing but reinforces and infects already slovenly Americans with the doctrines of consumerism and the need to have more stuff.
But no, it doesn't stop there, this rein of terror is about to go global.
All around Sydney, normally rational members of society have been reduced to quivering heaps of liquid membrane after learning that the all mighty Oprah will be coming to Sydney for a final show. Sending our airports and CBD's into a state of distress whilst hijacking the iconic 'Opera House' and renaming it the 'Oprah House'.
I am appalled.
In my personal opinion, Oprah spending her money like it's water is reminiscent of the snot nosed kid or pasty slut that we all went to high school with, socially impaired but eager to please with their parents bank accounts at their disposal. Oprah has such an intense need to be liked that she's resorted to reviewing books and throwing out cars like used condoms in an effort not to fade into obscurity.
It's ok Oprah, take deep breaths. If you go sit over there we can bring you a cold washcloth for your forehead
Urban Dictionary adequately defines my feelings for the media magnate:
'Shapeshifter. The only known person in history who can change into any form he/she so desires. This is obviously how she obtains her wealth of information, public opinions and money. She transforms herself into another person to gather what she needs for her overated, over appreciated, decieving day time television show. She feeds on the ignorance of the millions of viewers that worship her.She has supposedly been around since the beginning of time itself, she has asumed many forms and has corrupted many a country. One infamous person you may have heard of, Hitler, was not the man you think he was, he was, as you may have guessed, Oprah, in disguise. She is believed to have been present at the Last Supper. Though she tends to change shapes often, her most famous, and most used form is the overweight, overpaid, deceptive black woman you see on television. She is to be avoided at all costs. She can be anywhere at any time in any shape. You have been warned.'
The way I see it, everyone loves Oprah for all the free shit she gives out every year in her christmas themed 'Oprah's Favourite Things' show. Which essentially achieves nothing but reinforces and infects already slovenly Americans with the doctrines of consumerism and the need to have more stuff.
But no, it doesn't stop there, this rein of terror is about to go global.
All around Sydney, normally rational members of society have been reduced to quivering heaps of liquid membrane after learning that the all mighty Oprah will be coming to Sydney for a final show. Sending our airports and CBD's into a state of distress whilst hijacking the iconic 'Opera House' and renaming it the 'Oprah House'.
I am appalled.
In my personal opinion, Oprah spending her money like it's water is reminiscent of the snot nosed kid or pasty slut that we all went to high school with, socially impaired but eager to please with their parents bank accounts at their disposal. Oprah has such an intense need to be liked that she's resorted to reviewing books and throwing out cars like used condoms in an effort not to fade into obscurity.
It's ok Oprah, take deep breaths. If you go sit over there we can bring you a cold washcloth for your forehead
C. MEOW
THE SPAWN ARE COMING!!!!!
The older i have become and the wisdom i have achieved, i have come to realise that i dislike 98% of the children that i have come across.
yes i know what you're thinking. how can i hate children...well riddle me this how the hell cant i? they are loud, whiny, they don't clean after themselves and their endless stream of stupid questions, shit pick up a book! fricking learn some strategy!
yes i know, i know the procreation of children is essential to human survival yada yada but that dosent mean that parents to parade their poor lifestyle choices around the place. parenthood can only be compared to a cult! dont believe me well here are some prime examples:
1. a majority of your wage goes to them
2. all conversations with mother revolve around their spawn, the beliefs that it made them a better person and the fact that they doont know how they lived life before they pushed a bowling ball out a hole the size of a garden hose
dont get me wrong not all children are the bane of my existance as long as they dont get in my way and expect me to appreciate them..cause we arent kidding ourselves im not going too. why cant we be like america and have children free zones...no i do not mean over 18, i mean over 8!
what a wonderful, perfect world that must be....come on imagine it, a world in which a person spawn isnt crawling around covered in chocolate and screaming in restaurants, a world devoid of screaming children inside of a church (cause it isnt hard enough to pay atention) and my pet hate....children in libraries..yes i said it. GET OUT! if you cant read the chronicles of narnia then get the hell out of my site and out of my library!
i want to lobby for child free zones in Sydney...i want a world in which smoking in restaurants, drug taking at public facilities and public indecency is embraced not shunned.
DAMN THOSE NIMBLE BASTARDS!!!!! CAPTURE AND SEGREGATE!!!
peace out from your friendly neighbourhood warmonger
Bambi.B
xx
yes i know what you're thinking. how can i hate children...well riddle me this how the hell cant i? they are loud, whiny, they don't clean after themselves and their endless stream of stupid questions, shit pick up a book! fricking learn some strategy!
yes i know, i know the procreation of children is essential to human survival yada yada but that dosent mean that parents to parade their poor lifestyle choices around the place. parenthood can only be compared to a cult! dont believe me well here are some prime examples:
1. a majority of your wage goes to them
2. all conversations with mother revolve around their spawn, the beliefs that it made them a better person and the fact that they doont know how they lived life before they pushed a bowling ball out a hole the size of a garden hose
dont get me wrong not all children are the bane of my existance as long as they dont get in my way and expect me to appreciate them..cause we arent kidding ourselves im not going too. why cant we be like america and have children free zones...no i do not mean over 18, i mean over 8!
what a wonderful, perfect world that must be....come on imagine it, a world in which a person spawn isnt crawling around covered in chocolate and screaming in restaurants, a world devoid of screaming children inside of a church (cause it isnt hard enough to pay atention) and my pet hate....children in libraries..yes i said it. GET OUT! if you cant read the chronicles of narnia then get the hell out of my site and out of my library!
i want to lobby for child free zones in Sydney...i want a world in which smoking in restaurants, drug taking at public facilities and public indecency is embraced not shunned.
DAMN THOSE NIMBLE BASTARDS!!!!! CAPTURE AND SEGREGATE!!!
peace out from your friendly neighbourhood warmonger
Bambi.B
xx
The Winfrey Army Descends
Oprah is coming. Were you aware? If you weren't, we envy you. That means you have adequately sheltered yourself from the trashmedia Chernobyl of Oprah coverage.
Speaking of trashmedia, we get reports today from SMH that Oprah's PR flaks are more obstinate than the terracotta warriors of Xian:
"...journalists wishing to report on Winfrey's visit are asked not just to supply passport photographs, but explain what sort of stories they will write and where they will be used, be prepared to send examples of work and to discuss applications once they have been reviewed."
News.com.au in comparison has cheerfully revealed her itinerary. For example:
Early Afternoon
- Two hours of interviews with breathless morning talk show hosts. Get paper-cuts from a rabid fan with a placard. Go to Newtown; leave in ignominy from over-consumption of pad thai.
Tomorrow
- Hold court at the pool. Do more interviews to quell rumours of latent lesbianism. Go for drink with Gayle King at the Bank Hotel with the local lacrosse association.
Speaking of trashmedia, we get reports today from SMH that Oprah's PR flaks are more obstinate than the terracotta warriors of Xian:
"...journalists wishing to report on Winfrey's visit are asked not just to supply passport photographs, but explain what sort of stories they will write and where they will be used, be prepared to send examples of work and to discuss applications once they have been reviewed."
News.com.au in comparison has cheerfully revealed her itinerary. For example:
Early Afternoon
- Two hours of interviews with breathless morning talk show hosts. Get paper-cuts from a rabid fan with a placard. Go to Newtown; leave in ignominy from over-consumption of pad thai.
Tomorrow
- Hold court at the pool. Do more interviews to quell rumours of latent lesbianism. Go for drink with Gayle King at the Bank Hotel with the local lacrosse association.
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