Oscar Wilde once wrote when good americans (yeah i know...Australia is pretty much morphing it into them) die they go to Paris. which if you think about it makes prefect sense, cause only bad Australians (yep americans, whatever) should be forced to endure that city whilst alive.
Paris after all is overrun with Parisians. the place is like 28 days later except the zombies in that movie dismember you mercifully and put you out of your misery in a quick 3-5 minutes give or take. These Parisian zombies stab their cigarettes in your face every time they make a point and scream for hours about you personally being a war monger. This horrid fiasco only ends after they've cackled at your exchange rate and besmirched all things Australian.
Close to every thing about them sucks, especially the small ones. All French children are dressed like assholes. Head to toe in neutrals and stone coloured accessories...nimble bastards.
The only thing about the french have going for them is their luxury cake stores Laudree, Marie Antoinette and their wicked President Sarkozy, witty, smart, a total babe and the fact that he is bumping uglies with Carla Bruni.
What the French need to except is that...well we don't want to be like YOU!!!!
No matter our pecuniary flaccidity, out bogan-okka speaking-ranga prime minister or our talent of alchemizing beer into body odour , that AUSTRALIA!!! OZ!OZ!OZ! WAAAARR!!!! BLOOOD!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't hate the French. Don't take offence as this was only written in the heat of the moment after my french relatives visited and criticised my entire being. so yeah...I Don't hate the French...I just dislike my French relatives at the moment.
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