you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar

When I went overseas last year, me and my comrades befriended an Irish backpacker. After too many 'sex on the beaches' and other inappropriately named alcoholic beverages, he leaned over and with his bleary eyes and smoke scented breath mumbled,

"You Australian girls are so crude"

Now this small sentence, shouldn't have meant much to me but here I am, a year later wondering, is this true? Has responsible behaviour really taken a backseat to a new 'girls gone wild' era? With Disney child stars frantically trying to shed their pre-pubescent images by abusing the mediums of alcohol and provocative clothing, (Miley, you aren't fooling anyone) is it any wonder why the average 15 year old female suddenly resembles a scantily clad, makeup encrusted bratz doll?

(Left: Two 'typical' fifteen year old females from the Inner West. Right: Four 'Bratz' dolls)

Now I'm not saying you should run out and buy a knee length skirt a la little house on the prairie, but after a trip to the service station for petrol on a friday night, instead of filling up my car I was also treated to the sight of four underage girls, dressed in what looked like to be my mothers dishtowels with hair that resembled something that I pulled out of the shower drain earlier in the day, frantically puffing on a cigarette and waiting for their mentally challenged 28 year old boyfriend to buy their 'b&h smooth's'.

(Let's be serious, why smoke at a service station? Have you not seen Zoolander?)

Parents! Lock up your children! Teach them that they can actually make something out of themselves other than distributing oral sex for passion pop!

Note: Thank you to todaysapatheticyouth for giving me inspiration to whinge and complain about GEN Y

Unrelated Fact:
Has anyone realized that if you type 'disney' into any word document with automatic spell check the suggestion will come up to capitalize it? It's a daunting thought that the major media conglomerates of the world are now recognized enough to be placed into things such as 'Firefox word check' and 'Microsoft word'.

I wonder what the little paperclip guy would have to say about that.

C MEOW.

DEAL BREAKERS!!! do any of these and get no ass.

Chris Rock once said that a woman knows if she's going screw you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you...pffft it's more like 5 seconds.
So listen up men of Sydney and heed my advice. because everyday i see at least one douche committing these heinous crimes.
the polls have been counted, the sacrificial fire put out and here are 10 reasons why we cant sleep with you

10. because you wear linen pants
9. because you have a tribal armband tattoo
8.because you're a vegan
7.because you're a white dude who call other white dudes 'brother'
6.because you're a juggalo
5.because you wear dad (a.k.a jerry seinfield) jeans
4. because your great at conversational limericks
3.because your eyebrow pierced and the pussy ass hoop has a fricking coloured bead
2.because you're an 'actor'


DRUMROLLL PLEASEE!!!!!!






















1.Because you shave you're scrotum so close, it looks like a hairless cat!


well now you men of sydney take my advice...lord give me strength spread the word!
For all of you who haven't falling into this trap always be on the alert and help put an end to such happenings!

Peace out!
 Bambi. B

When Pynongyang Comes to Town

On a preparedness scale of 1-10, ten being Turkey during the battle of Gallipolli, and one being Pompeii, how do you think Sydney would cope with nuclear fallout from a war between North & South Korea?



Would Clover Moore's new bike lanes provide us with the escape routes we need? Would the Bondi Pavilion serve as a handy kiosk of sausage sizzles for your tired poor huddling masses? Would the drug dealers of Kings Cross and Cabramatta upskill to become medical corps for the army?

If You're A Binge Drinker, NYE in Sydney will Suck

[Pic from Boudist]

According to the Daily Telegraph, a co-ordinated attack on the pleasure centres of Sydney has been announced by various councils...

"Most CBD foreshore vantage points are "managed access sites" with strict bans on BYO alcohol and glass, plus mandatory bag checks.

Revellers face alcohol and glass bans at the Opera House, Circular Quay, Darling Harbour, Tarpeian Precinct, Mrs Macquaries Point, The Rocks and Dawes Point, Embarkation Park at Potts Point, Bradfield Park at Milsons Point and Blues Point Reserve at McMahons Point.

At Bondi Beach, a team of nine or 10 will work through the night to maintain noise restrictions at the Shore Thing music event.

Event producer and noise complaint co-ordinator Cathy James said all Sydney councils were becoming stricter and noise restrictions were increasingly being "policed by councils".

"They're really heavily regulated and it's becoming very tight," Ms James said."

Oh noes! Do you mean to tell us that scantily clad orange-hued women and Tarocash or General Pants-outfitted red-faced men will not be able to wield goon bags and bottles of Smirnoff Black at us on the harbour foreshore! Quelle dommage!

THE FRENCH!!!!!!

Oscar Wilde once wrote when good americans (yeah i know...Australia is pretty much morphing it into them) die they go to Paris. which if you think about it makes prefect sense, cause only bad Australians (yep americans, whatever) should be forced to endure that city whilst alive.

Paris after all is overrun with Parisians. the place is like 28 days later except the zombies in that movie dismember you mercifully and put you out of your misery in a quick 3-5 minutes give or take. These Parisian zombies stab their cigarettes in your face every time they make a point and scream for hours about you personally being a war monger. This horrid fiasco only ends after they've cackled at your exchange rate and besmirched all things Australian.

Close to every thing about them sucks, especially the small ones. All French children are dressed like assholes. Head to toe in neutrals and stone coloured accessories...nimble bastards.

The only thing about the french have going for them is their luxury cake stores Laudree, Marie Antoinette and their wicked President Sarkozy, witty, smart, a total babe and the fact that he is bumping uglies with Carla Bruni.

What the French need to except is that...well we don't want to be like YOU!!!!
No matter our pecuniary flaccidity, out bogan-okka speaking-ranga prime minister or our talent of alchemizing beer into body odour , that AUSTRALIA!!! OZ!OZ!OZ! WAAAARR!!!! BLOOOD!!!!


Disclaimer: I don't hate the French. Don't take offence as this was only written in the heat of the moment after my french relatives visited and criticised my entire being. so yeah...I Don't hate the French...I just dislike my French relatives at the moment.

munt/munter/munted

Since I've turned 18 and subsequently ventured into the big bad world, I've been metaphorically 'slapped in the face' with the realisation of how lousy my generation actually is. 

Drawing from valuable experiences such as losing consciousness in a public park to going to the lavatory under the watchful eyes of a youth 'tripping' on MDMA, I feel confident in saying that the future politicians, teachers and altogether 'leaders' of our great nation are actually a bunch of bumbling fools who would much rather attend the Starfuckers 'Rainforest Rave' than pick up a book.

God forbid that they may ingest something other than 'pingers'.

I don't plan on targeting just those who like to have too much of a good time, on the other side of the spectrum, we have the youth who have found religion. You know, the ones who have John:11-4 or some other irrelevant quote or bible passage pasted on their facebook for every Tom, Dick and Harry to see. The ones who didn't go to schoolies or don't associate with those who are 'wicked' so they could gather brownie points from the all-seeing vengeful God.

(Religious views:Jesus paid it all. All to Him i owe...)

    - Taken from an actual facebook profile: I'm sorry love but i don't think Jesus has facebook nor would he particuarly appreciate being lumped in with groups such as "Kim Kardashian's Ass"

Don't get me wrong, I have no beef with God or Jesus they seem cool, whatever. 

I have beef with society.

You can believe whatever your little heart desires, but when you start missing out on things in life purely on the off-chance that you MIGHT get into heaven (if such a place even exists), or when you show up on my doorstep and interrupt my playstation time to preach the word of the lord is when it becomes ridiculous. 

If you choose to believe in something, it should be private and not forced on the rest of the world. So next time you ask me to come to 'exo day' cause it's actually 'really cool' or make me listen to some moronic hillsong album I plan on telling you where to shove it.

The NSW Revenue Conspiracy

One of the benefits (or permanent psychological scars, depends on your perspective) of growing up with Southern European heritage is that you learn to find the conspiracy in everything. Especially when it has anything to do with money. Others would refer to this as "looking beyond the dominant paradigm'. I'll tell you what it really is: lazy thinking; a great excuse for not practicing your civic duties; expressing your inner cheapskate.

Case in point: The missing railway station rubbish bins in Sydney. Shortly after the attacks of 9/11, virtually all bins at Sydney metropolitan train stations disappeared. Already-filthy train carriages reached new levels of squalor. The underlying assumption was two-fold: It is for our own security; and you should be carrying some kind of receptacle to carry those empty-but-still-leaking coffee cups, you wasteful destroyer of nature! If there was public outrage, it was silent. Many simply shrugged, "well dem terrists drop bombs in bins you know!" (Perhaps choosing to ignore the fact that most terrorist attacks consist of explosives delivered by vehicle or strapped to a person).

It was in light of these developments that my father, seasoned veteran of anti-bureaucratic outrage and virtuoso whinger, posited his theory that the missing bins were proof of a conspiracy to lighten our wallets and fill the coffers of local and state government. "It's very simple you see," he'd start yammering. "They take the bins away, and force you to litter. The rate of littering increases dramatically. Then the issuing of fines increases. The result is that the government gets slightly richer."

Well now those missing rubbish bins are back. Railcorp has relented and decided to reintroduce them, possibly ushering in a new era of relaxation in the face of terror. I haven't yet asked my father what he thinks, but I can guess he may not have even noticed - train carriages are swimming in more filth than ever. The litter-bug scumbags won, not the terrorists!